My kids have a fascination with pictures. On phones, on walls, at resturants, on our computer, and even more for the ones they can get their little hands on. So for Christmas I made them each little photo books. I filed them with our favorite pictures this last year doing all the things that we have grown to love in Houston. As I pushed each printed memory into it's own little sleeve, I realized just how much I have to be thankful for. This last year has been an emotional roller coaster as we clung to our sanity with doctors apppointments, sold our house for money for medical bills, moved away from our family and friends to Houston, and ended with the news that Jackson is now on board for 2 heart surgeries in 2013. And yet, amidst all of it, not one picture in those books had even a hint of stress, a tear of sadness, or a hint of fear hidden in it. Not because it didn't exsist (oh boy, I can say it was all there), but because God has continually restored us.
2013 is gearing up to be a year I am feeling very unqualified to face. When I read these articles on patients and look at pictures of children doing what Jackson will have to do, I will admit it paralyzes me. How can we do this? How can Jackson do this? There is the reality that no matter how much we prepare ourselves for this, there is nothing we can do to ease us into watching him endure such great risks to fight for his life. As a mother I can tell you it is shattering to anticipate the outcomes of these very serious and risky surgeries.
As 2012 has come to a close we are so very thankful for the incredible memories we have had with both our kids. As we stand at the beginning of the new year very tired, emotional, and feeling weak, we know that only GOD can do 2013! My resolutions for this year:
I commit to starting this year and every day in it EXPECTING greatness from the God who I have grown to know as an constant COMPANION, an almighty PROVIDER, a giver of PEACE and WISDOM, the ultimate COMFORTER, the GREATEST physician, and a miraculous HEALER.
I commit to stop trying to plan the things I can't predict, answer the questions I don't know, and achieve goals that I have unrealistically set for myself. I simply want to REST in knowing that God already has it all planned out. There is no statistic, no amount of knowledge, or science that can out do what God can do.
I am starting today by saying this: I am EXPECTING 2013 to be the biggest part of all of our testimonies yet. I pray that for any of you reading and watching the events this year that through a very special heart your heart and lives will forever be changed.
Let's journey together..... I can say with confidence that there is something very special about my little boy and all of his complexity points to something much more than a diagnosis. He is a rarity that people and doctors wait with anticipation to see what happens next. I'd hate to spoil anything, but I have a feeling all the best stuff is yet to come ( :