Ava was our unexpected miracle. Her pregnancy surprise came right smack after our honeymoon and we were as shocked as anyone that we were about to jump on the parenting boat. I still felt like a kid myself, but I knew that being a mom was my deepest desire. Then came our pregnancy with Jaiden that was also unplanned, but so exciting. Ava was only about 8 months old and I was shocked that I was pregnant with yet another baby. Our minds automatically switched from single child to the mindset of planning for two kids. We were overjoyed and then came the miserable night that I began to miscarry.
Since then we wavered back and forth as to when you pick back up the pieces and try again. We didn’t want the next baby to feel like a replacement, but we also knew that we wanted our kids to grow up close in age together. We thought about it, we prayed, we even tried for a bit and then stopped. It wasn’t until we moved to Texas that we felt peaceful about trying for our next baby.
January 2011 rolled around and on our way back from a worship night at church we pulled off at a Walgreens late at night and picked up a pregnancy test. I couldn’t wait until the morning so I tested the second we walked in the door. Within seconds there was a perfect positive sign in the small window of the purple stick. I burst into our bedroom where Chris was beginning to lay Ava to sleep. The look on my face and the fact that I was jumping up and down was a clear indication that we finally got what we wanted! So many times I thought through how we would tell Ava when we were to get pregnant again and then on this very night all that thinking went out the window. Chris jumped up and said, “Really???” We were laughing and hugging and then we noticed Ava jumping up and down too even though she had no idea what to be excited about. I just looked at her and giddily said, “Ava, we are having a baby, we are having a baby, we are having a baby.” She screamed and then said (direct quote), “I am so excited, I am laughing!”
It was a priceless night in my book of memories. So unplanned, so not thought through, and yet as a family we all got to experience together the exciting news of another baby! I wouldn’t change it for the world as I was able to experience the raw emotion of my family as we looked forward to our long awaited second baby.
As we have journeyed through this pregnancy there have been amazing times and then of course excruciating times. However, I will say that not all of the good days were all prior to the diagnosis for Jackson. Through the pain and the sorrow, God has brought along so many blessings to show himself more real to us than ever before. He has brought along prayer warriors, those gifted with research, people gifted with hospitality, and strangers that out of the goodness of their hearts have extended such sacrificial love to us. I am more blessed today than I ever have been. Even in my best days I never thought that I would experience God in the way that I am now today being one week away from a third trimester pregnancy of the so called “impossible” baby.
I told God from Day 1, “I don’t know how you are going to carry me through this. I don’t know how I am going to bounce back from this, but I know that you will do this with me.” God, you are doing it! Day by day you are showing yourself merciful and mighty. You are taking care of our needs and you are holding us strong in your arms. I honestly don’t know how you are doing it, but GOD YOU ARE DOING IT BETTER THAN I COULD HAVE EVER PLANNED!
Jackson, you were planned, you are wanted, and you are loved by so many. God is using you in ways to touch lives that I never could. You my sweet boy are encouraging people in their faith, you are causing people to exercise their giftings, and you are challenging those to view God from a new perspective. Keep fighting. God is being glorified with everyday that your heart continues to beat! God’s not done yet, we are only just beginning.