July 3, 2011 (Day 45) Spiritual Attack

This week has been filled with trials as we have continued to read and pray through James 5 in preparation for church on Sunday. It seems like one thing after another lately, but the most obvious spiritual attack was placed directly on our core family dynamic. God put it on my heart to share the very real, imperfect journey we are taking and the way He is working through even our most vulnerable moments.

It all began at the beginning of the week as emotional tension began to arise in our house. As the week slowly rolled on the tension became more stressful, conflict began, and the buildup of miscommunication became overbearing. Each day seemed to bring a new set of issues, each one building on the ones before them. Every time Chris & I would try to work through everything we seemed to be hitting a road block. Every day I continued to read through James 5 and pray for God’s healing hand to fall on our family and our community and each day things at our home seemed to be getting more difficult.

After battling all week, Friday night hit and the storm blew in. Emotions burst, anger flooded in, and the battle began. Our marriage was under full attack and I struggled to find a way to overcome. I failed miserably all night at handling the conflict correctly. I was prideful, careless with my words, and I in way validated my actions by the hurt I was feeling. Needless to say, I ended up on the couch in the middle of the night crying out to the Lord for some sort of reason for why things were so difficult. I just kept thinking “Lord, Jackson’s issues are enough right now. Why a car accident, mechanical breakdowns, technology issues, road blocks in planning, and now a very lonely disconnected week?”

I knew that I needed to humble myself and work through the stress that Chris & I were experiencing, but I just couldn’t. I went back upstairs and spent time organizing things in Jackson’s room. The whole time the Lord specifically speaking to me to go to my husband and talk with him. My stubborn nature just kept pushing it down until finally I knew I had no other choice. I went to our bedroom door and for several minutes stood with my hand on the doorknob not physically  being able to open the door. There I was waiting in the dark hallway trying so desperately to make things right and every selfish part of my human nature would not allow me to walk into the room and do what God wanted me to do.

I cried out to the Lord and He met me there. It was after 2 am and there we were trying to sort through all the emotions and hurts that we were having. We were still hitting road blocks and I once again chose to do downstairs on the couch. Heart heaving, tears flowing, I was so confused. Then I felt a soft hand on my back and turned to find my husband on his knees by my side openly sharing with me. We began to talk gently back and forth about the week and the growing anxiety of our situation. We wept together.

It wasn’t until we started to make things right that I realized that all week the enemy had been trying to desperately attack the most crucial part of our family: our marriage. If he could break down that dynamic, then he could destroy everything. As I started to drift off to sleep well after 4 am with my husband by my side, I felt such overwhelming peace. Eight o’clock rolled around and Ava ran into our room with a baby doll in hand. She climbed into our bed and laid next to Chris. I put my hand on Chris’ chest and he held it. I felt a tiny hand reach up and grab my hand also and I looked over to see a tiny smile on my sleepy girl’s face. There we were, all snuggled up holding each others hands. I put my head back on my pillow…. Ahhh, sweet victory belongs to the Lord!