I will never forget on May 19, 2011, as we walked out to the car from our first diagnosis of Jackson’s heart the feeling of complete emptiness. As we sat in the car too paralyzed to drive off we called to inform both of our parents as they were anxiously waiting for our results. I remember so vividly as Chris hung up the phone with his dad, he buried his head in his hands and started to weep uncontrollably. I’ve seen my husband cry before, but in the form of a tear of joy or a saddened tearing up as we hug our family goodbye after visits. Never before had I seen his body convulse as he sank further towards the steering wheel of the car. He leaned over and grabbed me and in that moment, God spoke to me. I had to be strong. I had to be open to expressing emotions, and I had to track this journey.
On May 20th (Day 1) I began the obedient step towards expressing my emotions the best way I knew how to. I opened my laptop and I just began to write. As I wrote I felt as if God was speaking to me that someday my words would show Jackson the ups and downs of this difficult journey. After I finished one of my most intimate writings of my life God told me to create a blog out of it. I flinched for a second after reading it again and thought, “Do I want people to see all of this? All the pain, all the weakness, and all the emotions?” God gave me a promise that through my vulnerability and obedience to share that He would bless it.
I started the blog and I can’t tell you in how many ways He has used it. It was through the blog that we found a family in Houston that is allowing us to stay in an apartment above their garage while we wait for Jackson to come. It is through the blog that people are connecting with us on how to pray specifically for Jackson’s heart condition. And it was through the blog that we received information that a family wanted to make an anonymous donation towards us after reading our story. I opened the mail yesterday to find a beautifully written card with encouragement, verses full of promises, and $100 in cash from an unknown family in the Houston area that we have never met.
The most amazing part of this was the fact that we received that card the exact same day as our very first bill from Texas Children’s Hospital. We’ve had bills start piling up from all of our Austin care, but the first of the Houston expenses came on that very day that God had prepared that special card to come for us. So, to the wonderful family that sacrificed that money for us, thank you from the very bottom of our hearts! Not only is the money extremely helpful, but the timing in which God chose for you to send that was such a blessing. It translated into showing us that no matter what lies ahead that God will always provide.
God spoke softly to my heart to not be afraid to ask for help. I am one of the last people to ask for help when I need it, but through this trial in our life, God has shown us how and when to step out of our comfort zones and be okay with telling others when we need help. Whether it be in prayer, or in practical ways such as prepared dinners for our family, or help with watching Ava while we get things done. We have entered a phase now where God has allowed me to feel comfortable to acknowledge the need for financial assistance.
We have now added a donation button on the right hand side of the blog where anyone can make a donation of any amount with any credit card or paypal account. As our medical bills continue to climb we have other upcoming costs associated with staying in a different city as well as the cost of having Chris & I living separately until Jackson comes. As with every need in our lives we believe that God is going to cover it and provide. He has shown us over and over His amazing provision emotionally, physically, and financially as we have stepped forward in obedience. Having said this, it will be my first and last mention of making donations on this blog. This blog has been and always will be a place for my Jackson. Every word is meant to show him how valuable his life is even from the time that he was growing in the womb. We have so many needs as a family going through a difficult situation and the gift of people praying, following the blog, donating, bringing us meals, and supporting us is such a blessing! We continue to stand amazed as we watch God cover all the millions of details as we journey through this. We know that what seems impossible in the form of overbearing finances is completely possible with the Lord. May every penny speak of His greatness and may His glory be shown through Jackson’s special heart!