Thursday, June 6, 2013

Balancing Marriage

We haven’t been very good about updating the last few months. It’s been a bit of blur of a sweet time and a reality check kind of time. It’s hard to sum it all up, but in a nutshell here is what we have concluded:
God has given us an incredible journey to travel. We’ve had our ups and downs as a family and have been overwhelming blessed by God’s faithfulness in providing in the different seasons of joy and sorrow. Over the last two years since Jackson’s diagnosis in May of 2011, we have truly experienced so many extremes. Jackson’s life has and continues to reveal so much about our own character, our purpose in life, and the unwavering love of an unchanging God.

God has used these past few months especially  to uproot and reveal so much in our own hearts. I do believe that there is beauty in allowing the Lord to use your vulnerability in sharing the raw emotions that you experience as you journey through trials. I will say that we are learning so much about failing hard and getting back up again. It’s about to get real right here…

I believe that outside of my relationship with God that my husband is the next greatest gift; though if I am being honest, the last few years have not reflected that. My time, my emotions, and my love have been poured into my children. They’ve been thrown into trying to balance saving one child’s life while making sure the other one isn’t growing up faster than she should have to. My days are spent caring for the kids and my nights are spent in what seems like medical school. While I know that this is needed, I also know that finding a balance and creating boundaries are essential, something in which I have failed at miserably.

If you think about the things you discuss in parenting you can imagine the intensity and emotions that surround our very repeating conversations on most experienced heart surgeons, pacemaker options, surgical risks, and best transplant facilities. The weight of the issues we carry within our marriage and the things we share in responsibility with are difficult. They are things that have taken over and created a very supportive and still very loving relationship, but one that we know needs some restructuring and redefining. A lot of the last few years caught up with us very quickly in the last few months.

We are imperfect people serving a perfect God. Long before he gave us Jackson, God gave me a husband that I am called to cherish. If you know him, you know that he is incredible! Although we have both struggled to know how to comfort each other and meet each others needs during these last few years, I can say that God has given us a commitment to each other that I am so blessed by. At times I feel lost in how to comfort him when he weeps for our son or how to relax into the fun loving sporadic wife that he desperately needs even in the midst of stressful times.

I know that I am not the first woman to ever unbalance the love given to children and to her husband. It’s a hard one to figure out, but one that I know is worth seeking out to do my best at. God knew every trial we would face together and he couldn’t have picked a more committed and loving man to bless me with. God desires a fruitful and life-giving marriage for us and we are confident that as we are willing to seek Him, he will show us how to not only journey together, but to have fun doing it! Here’s to a summer of diving back into fun dating!!


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