Watching your child being pinned down to find the best veins, putting in IVS and pulling for bloodwork is hard. What's even more awful is when you are there as we always are stroking their head, helping hold them down and having to say things like, "You are doing so good. It's almost done. What a brave boy. We love you Jackson." You seem to repeat as long as needed all while your child screams for you to make it stop. I stayed strong, not even a singel tear shed as we went through the prepping process, talked about the risks, and laid him on the table to put him to sleep. After all, that was my job. As a mom I wanted him to see confidence and joy, not fear and pain. Then came the moment where time stood still.
Just a small glipse of what we had to do. Just wanted for people to be exposed to our reality as we fight for a better life for him. It definitley is a fight!
They gave him the medicine to fall asleep. He was screaming being pinned down again, grabbing for me as I stood over him. I was talking to him and then his face went blank, his eyes rolled back into his head, his hand dropped from grabbing my sweater and his body went limp. In that second I bursted into tears as they gave us a brief second to kiss his lifeless appearing body as they carried him swiftly away. As they carried him into the MRI it was if his whole life flashed before me. First smile, first step, the laughter, the memories, and then the door shut.
An hour and a half went by before we were able to be with him again. The great news is he did wonderful. There were no issues with his heart reacting and he only took the minimum 30 minutes to recover afterwards. Clearly, he is a fighter and truly my little hero. He was so brave all day and even smiled and gave a fist pump when his IV was taken out.
Waiting for our car, finally he got to eat something!!
Jackson is incredible. He is special beyond words and everyone who comes into contact with him can see it. He's the patient that other nurses like to check on, the one that makes doctors laugh, and other parents a little bit more at ease. How hard it is to hold his hand through all of this, but what a joy to see the life he brings to others. Today was hard, but today God is still good. In our weakness is where God shows himself strong. I know this to be true as I walked out of the hospital with a rock solid marriage, a smile on my face, and a stable but still loopy little boy. Praise the Lord for another day in our beautiful and crazy life together!