August 12, 2011 (Day 85)

"But it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to place our trust in HIm, the crisis will reveal that we can go to the point of breaking, yet without breaking our confidence in Him."

- taken from My utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chamber (August 12th devotional)

I have watched over the stretch  of the last several months God's faithfulness take over every detail of our lives. I've watched as we pray over concerns, worries, our emotions, our plans, how God has covered every area above and beyond what we could have hoped for. As I was reading my devotion this morning I was reminded to look back over His promises and His provisions. It didn't just start when we found out about Jackson.

I think about when Chris & I were dating and the things that God even began to lay on our hearts back then that prepared us for this very season in our lives. God has gifted us with a friendship within a romance. God purposed in our hearts a deep devotion to Him as well as to each other from the very beginning. We have always worked very hard at maintaining a blanced and loving marriage in which we could just enjoy each other and raise our kids in a home where love overflows. I think back on our history together and I see how God prepared our marriage to brace the storm. I wake up each day with at times unbearable heartbreak and great levels of stress, but in a beautiful love story that unfolds more of God's grace each and every day.

I think back to deciding to be a stay at home mom and the sacrafices that it has taken along the way. I look at how God's hand has carried us through every season and how that decision is allowing me everyday to be where is needed for the care of my son. God gave me a heart of staying at home with my kids as early as I can remember. It's always been such a deep desire of my heart.

I think of the family and the friends that God has brought along the way and how they have been the crucial support and encouragement that has been so precious to us. So many from all over the world have come alongside of us to pray and love on us.

It is in worshipping God and thanking Him for His amazing provision in our lives that has allowed us to face everyday with renewed stregth. We didn't just wake up one day and say, "Ok, we can do this." Over the period of our whole lives God has been getting us ready, preparing our hearts, giving us giftings and desires to make this season of our lives where we can honestly be more confident in who He is than ever before. It is in this trial that we have been constantly reminded that this was no accident, but God's perfect timing and perfect plan. The preparation is amongst the hardest part of the journey, but when the trial hits, oh the joy in being able to say from the deepest part of your heart, "It is well with my soul."